Day 9 of No Cigarettes

I'm losing the battle.

But I will not lose the war.  Gave in again.  But this is what I am figuring, I went from a pack of cigarettes every day and a half, to half or one cigarette a day.  Listen, I don't know about you but I'm damned impressed by that progress!

I suffer from perfectionism.  Another small part of my disease.   I tend to beat myself up when I can't you uphold MY IMAGE OF PERFECTION.  It's really crazy that out of all the people in the world, the person I trust and love the most is my worst enemy.  Myself.  I'm sure that a lot of you can relate.  My head tells me what a piece of shit I am for not being able to deny myself the cigarettes.  The reality is, I'm progressing.  And I have to fight myself with myself!  I know sounds completely mental, but so true.  And If you are laughing,  smirking, or nodding your head...the truth is, you relate.  So today, I am going to give myself a pat on the back because I deserve it!

Last night, I had an opportunity to share my story with the young ones who are residents at Sharp Mesa Vista.  They are admitted for a bunch of reasons, one of the most common reasons, suicidal tendencies.  It was a blessing to go in there and share with these young beautiful but completely lost kids, and give them hope.  There is another side to the feelings, the thoughts, the pain.  And so when I reflect on where I was and compare it to my right now, my struggles are so much different.  The point is, I would rather struggle with quitting smoking than struggle with having  to find ways and means to use and get more.   The quality of my problems today are so very small compared to those of my past.  I mean come on! I didn't wake up in a cinderblock cell with 7 other women to be carted off like cow carcass to eat slosh for breakfast!  So I think smoking one cigarette is better than waking up to that everyday!

Stay blessed!

<3 Justina

Day 8

War.

That's what I declare on cigarettes.  War.  I broke down and smoked a cigarette and a half yesterday.   Them damn things have this suffocating hold on me.  Got It's long skinny fingers wrapped around my neck so tight, that I would do anything it tells me to do just to live.  But what an oxymoron.  Right?

Right.

So, war.  It's war against those little bastards.  It's not even about the moods, the physical withdrawals, or the "need" to smoke one to feel "normal " again.  It is now about being able to deny them.  Not even smoking when I want to or because I can.  My health is riding on my ability to quit and Stay quitted.  I remember one time I went to the doctor's for a check-up, she asked If I smoked.  I said, "Yes! But I cut down a lot!"  (This was long before I decided to quit) She asked me, "Well how many a day?"  I replied, "about 5 or 6."'

She looked at me as If I was crazy and told me, "Honey, those add up."  Ugh, hate you damn people.  Making me think outside the box.  Things had never been the same since then.  I obsessively thought on a daily basis that I needed to quit.  But then on the other hand I didn't want to.  So I tried the "cut down" method, Which only lasted a couple weeks, but always ended in me smoking more than when I started! 

So, dear cigarettes.  I declare war!

Stay blessed!

<3 Justina

Day 5, 6, and 7 of No Cigarettes

Horrible.

Is how I did this weekend, not just with smoking but with eating clean.  I didn't forget to work out!  So I have that STILL going for me.  Saturday I broke down and bought myself a pack.  Fortunately, I only smoked one cigarette from it.  Unfortunately,  I wasted $4.50 on a whole pack.  Lol.  Something about the weekend that makes me think I'm on vacation from taking care of my body and health.  Saturday and Sunday are two of the days I ALWAYS look forward to, but come Monday I always regret. 

I smoked a total of 4 cigarettes this weekend.  I'm pretty disappointed in myself.  Sunday was Father's day so the food surrounding me, I just couldn't deny.  I didn't completely indulge in dirty foods this weekend but I indulged enough to where when I woke up this morning to work out....I just wanted to die and give up and crawl back into bed. Thankfully I didn't.  

Nobody's perfect.  And I do the best I can.  However this weekend, I know in my hearts of hearts I could have done better. 
Here's the deal, starting today, I'm not even going to take puffs of a cigarette. Today is the day I cut it off completely!  I gave myself a week to adjust to the big change to my mind,  body, and soul.  I'm sure I'm ready.  I'm positive I'm ready.  I have gotten over the physical withdrawals, I think. Lol.  I have my energy back this morning with out smoking a cigarette, so I think It's safe to assume that I have.  Only time will tell.  Until tomorrow.

Stay blessed

<3 Justina

Day Four of No Cigaretters

Happy.

That's the emotion I felt,  pretty much all day.  Day four was as easy as day one and two were.  I haven't completely gone without cigarettes.  I still do puff on one each day.  I'm not going to lie and sell you guys a dream that I went completely cold Turkey.  I also have a vape that I use  when the cravings come on through out the day.  But I can say, I don't think about cigarettes as much as I used to.  The first thing I thought about when I woke up everyday was "coffee and cigarettes."  But I ALWAYS had to smoke a cigarette before I did anything!  Sad.  But so true. 

The real challenge is going to be the weekend.  The weekends are always a challenge for me, even with food and my workouts.  I don't consistently workout during the weekends and I tend to indulge in delicious but VERY unhealthy foods.  With me not smoking,  It's been even more of a struggle to deny myself sweets.  I wanted this next 30 days to include sweets, but without cigarettes, my sweet tooth has been more off the hook than ever!

SO, here is to the weekend and the strength to make it through!  I am proud that I made it this far without buying a pack and saying, "OK, only one a day." I would be insane to do that because I have tried that over and over. Insanity is defined as "doing the same thing expecting different results."  You know these days, I am trying to stay far away from the insanity!

Stay Blessed.

<3 Justina

Day Three of No Cigarettes

Rage.

That's what I felt on the third day.   Day one and day two went so smoothly, I didn't expect what was going to happen on day three.  I was literally homicidal. 

I was overly sensitive and extremely emotional.  It felt like a mack truck hit my heart and shattered it in a million pieces.  I was hurting and didn't know why.  I was wondering to myself, "was this really the best idea?"  I was questioning my decision on quitting smoking!  Questioning a POSITIVE change.  Lol.  I suffer from the disease of addiction and I tell you when the disease and my mind get together because I am weak and vulnerable, they really can do some emotional and mental damage.  You may feel like that's a bit dramatic, but for me...it's not.  The disease is real and live and well and it will get me at my most vulnerable points.  

I had to get to a meeting yesterday.  The feelings I was feeling was effed up in so many ways.  This came out of nowhere and I had no idea how else to deal than to surround myself with people like me. 

I kept hearing, "make it 3 days and you are good!"  It's a wonder I made it through day 3 without killing someone!  I hope the worst is over.  If it's not, someone please warn me!  Matter of fact, let me warn you!  Day three was the worst and if it gets worst than that.. Get out of my way!!

Stay blessed_

<3

Day Two of No Cigarettes

Reservations.  "I will get high if ____________ happens."  Or whatever the case may be for you.  Whether it's getting high, over indulging in food, or any other bad behavior being replaced with a good behavior in order to live a better life.  Mines, just so happens to be drugs.

Over the weekend, a reservation reared it's ugly head.  The blessing?  I didn't get high.  The down part?  It wasn't addressed.  Until yesterday,  on day two of my journey.  You see, I have become quite good at sweeping things under the rug and being unwilling to problem solve.  My pattern has become, "just don't acknowledge it and then maybe it will go away!"  I can't express to you enough how wrong this concept of mines has been.   Because everything unresolved,  resurfaces at some point again.  May not be in the exact form or exact same event, or even with the exact person it happened with.  But guaranteed,  it will pop up at the most unexpected time and announce itself, saying "I'm backkkkk!!!"

I had to face a lot of issues yesterday, that I haven't been willing to face, EVER!  I value something so much, that I had to become willing.  If I wanted it to remain a part of my life and if I cared as much as I say I do, I will be willing, no matter how uncomfortable it gets for me.  A few times throughout the conversation, I reached over and took a puff or two of a cigarette.  When I got home, I shared a cigarette with my significant other.   And I am not going to lie, after the conversation was all said and done, I truly felt the urgency to smoke!  I felt I needed that thing to calm my nerves.  And when I got home, I decided to satisfy that craving with a cigarette.  And let me tell you how that felt, sickening.   Not sickening in the way like "ugh, why did you do that?"  Sickening, physically.   My head hurt, my stomach started turning, and I felt like my chest was going to explode. 

Slowly but surely, this habit of mine is breaking itself.  I don't have to try so hard to let it go.  I just let it happen.  My desire to stop is stronger than my desire to smoke.  There is no secret to this stuff...it draws from within.

Stay Blessed.

<3 Justina

Day One of No Cigarettes

I have been smoking since the age of 12.  So for more than half my life, I have been puffing and puffing and puffing.   There is NO secret to quitting.  It's pretty obvious how anyone who wants to quit can quit.  It's called "desire."

Desire is required when deciding to do something.  I have tried continuously to quit.  "Cutting down" has been my method for a while and clearly it did not work, no matter how "hard I tried."  I wasn't ready to quit.  So my lack of desire to become smoke-free has been the biggest obstacle in my many attempts to let go of the cigarettes. 

Day one proved to be very easy.  Easier than what I expected.  I thought I was going to immediately wake up and search for the fix I have been doing every morning faithfully.  I woke up and I didn't even think about a cigarette.  Well, until my significant other mentioned something about a smoke. Lol. 

My physical being was going through it though.  I had a headache and I was so tired!  Then around 930ish, the nausea kicked in.   What many fail to realize is nicotine is a stimulant.  So without my daily stimulant,  my energy level decreased and all I wanted to do was lay in bed and drift off to oblivion. The physical effects have been the hardest to deal with.  After 17 years of smoking, my body had no choice BUT to become physically dependent on them.  I'm an addict by nature so, you know how that goes.  Haha.

I'm not going to say I didn't take a few puffs of a cigarette because I did.  But I can also tell you how sick to my stomach I felt after doing so.  The insanity! Haha.

Day one was a piece of cake.. I am blessed to have had it so easy.  I haven't even broke down and bought a pack yet, which is different for me.  I am utilizing my vape for when small cravings start to come on.  I just take a couple drags and it's taken care of.  Yes, I am using other things to help me stay away from cigarettes.  But don't worry, those won't be permanent solutions.

Stay blessed_

<3 Justina

The Best Way To Get Started

Good Morning!

Yesterday, I had a chance to send out a lot of different meal plans, to a lot of different people, with a lot of different struggles, and very different eating habits.  What I noticed yesterday was that a lot of people were NOT eating even at LEAST 3 times a day!  I know, it seems far fetched, but in reality it is NOT.

In today's world, time is scarce.  We make so many different appointments, with so many different people, and if we have kids....time is even scarcer!  It's really RARE to find a person who has all day and all night to take care of everything they committed to take care of in the day.  Personally,  my days were busy!  I work a full-time job, I go to school, and I attend 12-step meetings REGULARLY and I am of service at least 4 times during the week.  Not only that, I am in a committed relationship and we have a cozy 1 bedroom apartment that needs to be cleaned and cooked in on a daily basis.  So my plate was completely full, and who has time to eat right?

So what is our usual solution?  We grab something quick and easy to curb the hunger that is banging at our tummies, screaming "FEED ME!"  That something quick and easy is usually a greasy bag of potato chips, some kind of pastry, or anything we can grab and go at convenience stores or gas stations.  Or how about those infamous, fast food drive-thrus?  And with our schedules full and time passing by quicker than the speed of light, how often are we fueling our bodies during the day?  Not very many times.  So not only are we starving our bodies, we also are feeding it very unhealthy foods.  So why are we gaining so much weight but we are eating so little.

It's called "starvation mode".  If you didn't know, you will soon know after reading this.  Evolution has programmed our bodies to favor fat.  Yes!  You heard correctly, we are born with bodies who love fat!  And here is why, back in the day, like wayyy wayyy back in the day, when humans were first forming on this Earth; they went for days and days and days without eating.  So, in order for them to survive, their bodies kicked in to save them.  When these humans finally ate something, the body stored that food as fat to prepare it for not being fed for days again.  Our bodies need fuel for the energy it exerts on a daily basis, so if we don't eat often, all that stuff gets stored in our bodies anyways.  So it doesn't matter if you eat 2 times a day, you will struggle with losing weight, because your body is trying to survive so it is holding on to that fat to help you keep moving throughout your busy, busy days!

So, what is the solution to the problem?  Changing your diet!  And how do we do that?  Well, I am so glad you asked.  The best way to begin, is to cut out all the junk in your first week!  According to the amazing Steve Edwards who created the 8-Week Transitional Diet,  your week one should be the junk cutting!  So if you see a donut, make an about face and run the other way!  What about that grumbling tummy and the smell of those fresh fries from the Jack-In-The-Box on the corner to your right?  Make a left and keep going!  No soda, no candy, no cake!  Drink more water!  (If you would like further details on the 8-Week Transitional Diet please contact me).

Okay, so we have a problem and now we have a solution.  Cutting out the junk is easy but not.  But if you want a change, then you will go to any lengths to make changes (even if that means giving up your favorite candy bar for lunch).  The best part about your reading this, is you can get help today from me!

Just click on the link below and we will get you started!

http://livecleanfitness.weebly.com

The Road Before Coaching

Before joining Beachbody, I was so uncomfortable with my body.  I went on that concept, "You can eat whatever you want as long as you work out!"

I was sadly mistaken.  I made many attempts to workout and failed each time.  I would start and after the first week, I was done.  I didn't realize the problem was my diet.  The kind of foods I was indulging in were pastries, cookies, meals high in grease, lots of butter, and breads that weren't whole wheat!  I also didn't even think about "moderation" and what that even meant.  If you know an addict's thinking, you know that "moderation" isn't even a word in one's vocabulary.  I grew up thinking that the portions I was eating was totally normal.  Again, I got a rude awakening when I joined Beachbody.

One night, I prayed.  I prayed sincerely to the God of my understanding to help me.  Help me make better choices and live a healthier more fulfilling life!  My answer came by the name of Melissa.  She messaged me on Facebook, originally offering me a program that was having a huge promotion at the time.  I didn't have any extra funds, I work to pay my bills and that is pretty much the sum of it.  So she instead offered me a free account and she guided me on my journey to eating clean and exercising.  I made do with what I had!  I was that determined to change something that I clearly didn't like:  my body.  I also felt that the God of my understanding answered a prayer that I prayed and how dare I disrespect Him by NOT following through!  So I got to work.  The healthiest thing I had were veggies, canned tuna, and eggs.   So I started with that and worked out to workout videos off YouTube.

My willingness and my desire to make a change was stronger than anything else.  I was ready and willing to make a change.  The physical results weren't seen immediately for me, but the spiritual results I felt!  I started feeling better about myself and I started building a HEALTHY relationship with my body.  It says in my fellowships literature the importance of a good relationship with our body!  To me, what is wrote in those books, I better follow because ultimately the most important thing for me is to stay clean!  Everything else will fall into its place if I am working a program of recovery.  And this journey of eating clean and exercising would not be possible if I were using!

Eventually I was able to gather enough change to afford one of the Beachbody programs, the 21-Day Fix.  I lost 3 LBS in my first week!  I got so much support from others in the Beachbody community. I was held accountable and I was inspired and motivated by the network of people that are involved with this company!  People started asking me about Beachbody and what it is all about!  I referred some family members to Melissa and seeing them making the change put me on such a spiritual high!  They started seeing results and they were excited and stayed determined to reach their goals.  Experiencing watching someone else transform physically and spiritually has been the most rewarding part of being apart of Team Beachbody.  I have helped inspire so many people.  My coach has helped inspire me.

When I got clean, I knew that my purpose in life was to help others.  I have made a commitment to myself and a commitment to my God, that I will be a messenger of hope to people who have feelings hopelessness! My decision to become a Beachbody Coach was made based upon 2 things:

1. The spiritual rewards.  I can only keep what I have by giving it away.  I live by that and once I stop living by that, I am at risk of losing all the blessings that have come along with staying clean.  And I risk disappointing not only my family and my God, but myself!

2.  Let's keep it real.  The fact that I can make a living off doing what I love and by fulfilling my purpose in this world.  One struggling person at a time.

So, the next question is:

What in your life do you want to change?

and the question after that:

What are you going to do about it?



Until next time,

Justina

New journey

It's been a really long time since I have posted anything on here.  Since last time,  life has gotten pretty busy for an addict like me who has never lived life on life's terms before. Big question: "am I still clean? "

Yes,  I am.  And not only am I still clean I have embarked on a new journey in my life.  During the process of recovery,  I have gained more than 20 lbs! Some look at me and say "girl, you're tripping!  You look good! " The polite thing I always say back is "thank you".

What some fail to realize is that,  I am not used to being 20 lbs heavier! I prayed,  whole-heartedly one night and God answered my prayer! My answer went by the name of Melissa and she introduced my to Team Beachbody.  For a month so far,  I have been working out and eating clean!  My diet has changed and I having seen amazing and miraculous results!  I have lost 5 pounds and probably many more inches.  Eating clean has afforded me more energy,  clearer skin,  a more toned body,  and I haven't had one of those nasty headaches I get everyday!

There are so many spiritual rewards that come with it as well.  I am building a better relationship with my body which is extremely important to the self-esteem.  Yes,  I was comfortable with ME and the person I have become but my body image messed up my head a lot too!  I knew I want treating my body like the temple it is and in turn, my health started taking a turn for the worst.  I couldn't figure out why after walking up only 2 stairs I was breathing like I just ran a 5k marathon!

I am now a Beachbody coach and just like with my recovery,  I want to share with you guys what was so freely given to me!  My experience,  strength, and hope is a powerful tool to help others in need.  That is my purpose in life today,  "to help people achieve their goal to lead healthy fulfilling lives! "